Rachel Ford

In general, I think it’s bad form to target a political figure’s spouse for criticism or ridicule. Even when they say or do moderately dumb things, they are not, after all, the candidate, so they deserve a much more generous approach and less scrutiny than someone who wants to represent us.

I say “in general,” because every once in a while, a political spouse will do something so utterly, breathtakingly stupid that you can’t just ignore it. Like, for instance, comparing her spouse’s failed presidential run to the fight for emancipation.

That’s what Heidi Cruz did the other day when addressing her husband’s campaign’s “National Prayer Team”:

Just last week, it became clear that Donald Trump had finally won the Republican Game of Thrones. Since then, we’ve been treated to a frenzy of hand-wringing from the #NeverTrump crowd — with many Republican leaders wondering how decades of racist dog whistles, misogynistic policies, and anti-intellectualism could possibly have culminated in the rise of a buffoonish, xenophobic, misogynist who proudly yells the things generally just hinted at by the party. It’s a mystery, truly.

The other wing of the #NeverTrump crowd, of course, is not mourning the embrace of radical positions; they’re mourning the loss of another xenophobic, anti-woman, anti-immigrant demagogue: Ted Cruz. After months of his family repeatedly assuring supporters that a Cruz presidency was ordained by God, they’re finally coming to terms with the fact that it isn’t. Or wasn’t. (Whichever interpretation is preferred. It doesn’t make a difference.) And while some are managing their grief well, some are… well, some are Glenn Beck.

According to Beck, Cruz’s defeat means God has to punish us. He must. America is a petulant child, and God is a good dad who has done everything he can to make us obey. And now? Now Dad has no choice but to carry through on our threatened spanking. (Spanking seems to be a theme for the Cruz camp.)

Vyckie Garrison has an article up at Raw Story detailing a stomach-turning scheme from Quiverfull patriarch Vaughn Ohlman. Ohlman is setting up a “Get Them Married” retreat for fathers to arrange marriages for their teenage children — without their consent.

In real-life Game of Thrones, it’s been a busy few days for the Kingdom of the States United.

In the far reaches of Indiana, the forces of the Lannister-like Evil Overlord from the Gilded Hall (who has his own Lannister-esque interest in his female offspring) vanquished the combined armies of the Lord of Ohio and the Dark Priest from Texas. It wasn’t until the Evil Overlord took the Priest’s head, though, that the Lord of Ohio surrendered, dashing the last hopes of those that resisted the reach of the Gilded Hall.

Now, one by one, the vanquished are falling in line to pledge their loyalty to the orange victor…

When I was a kid, our Christian homeschooling textbooks focussed obsessively on the idea of persecution. It was made abundantly clear through the “lessons” in which we read and then wrote about how we’d have to conceal our faith from the authorities and hide our Bibles away (in a Communist country, no less). There was also the selective history that focussed heavily on Catholic offenses against Protestants, but never the other way around. The message was delivered with an absence of subtlety that would embarrass Mother Gothel: from Communists to Catholics, the world was chock full of people who hated True Christians™.

You can imagine my surprise later, when I read actual history books, at finding out that the one-way street of Christian Persecution that I’d learned about was anything but — and that the long suffering Protestants of yesteryear were no less capable of making martyrs than anyone else.

Slate has a fascinating piece along those lines — on the “priest holes” English Catholics had to build in the 16th century to protect priests (and themselves) from discovery.

It’s always interesting when members of an organization purportedly devoted to the greater good live in luxury on funds that could otherwise actually facilitate that mission. It’s that much worse, though, when their funds are specifically earmarked for helping people, but instead wind up supporting extravagant lifestyles.

That’s what seems to have happened in the case of Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone‘s luxury apartment.

It’s probably fair to say that you shouldn’t take health advice from someone who advocates hormone-balancing vagina steam-cleanings. Or tips from someone who advertises the effectiveness of skincare products that have been meditated over and chanted to.

Still, Goop founder and actress Gwyneth Paltrow — who has advocated both — was asked to share her beauty tips in the New York Times. It went about as well as you’d expect.

Discussing how she’s “the guinea pig to try everything,” Paltrow threw out yet another unusual remedy: